"Brought you your mail," Jon says, dropping a few envelopes on Spencer's desk.
"Awesome," Spencer says. "More mail. Do I care about any of it?"
"Well, there's something from the government. The US one, I mean." Jon is really tempted to hop up on Spencer's desk and sit there, just because it might get Spencer to actually look up from his work. He doesn't, though, because first of all it would require actual effort, and secondly, it would get his boss mad. Spencer probably wouldn't fire him -- probably -- becaue Jon's a pretty useful guy, but he would potentially make Jon actually have to work hard from time to time. When Spencer gets mad, he puts other people to work. It's a little weird.
Jon isn't going to get Spencer mad.
"Oh, fuck," Spencer says. "It's almost - fuck. You were supposed to tell me when it was March."
"I did, dude," Jon says. "You had that bro date with Ryan on the second. I totally told you what month it was."
"Right." Spencer says, "But you didn't tell me what month it was."
"Did I miss something?"
"No, no," Spencer says. "It's, whatever. I've got this. Go do ... whatever you were gonna do."
"Are you okay?"
"I'm good," Spencer says. "I'll see you later."
Jon looks at Spencer skeptically. "Okay, man, if you're sure."
-
It's Friday, so Jon goes home that night and orders pizza and hangs out with his cats, then he goes out drinking. He doesn't remember much else of the weekend after that. When he goes in to work Monday morning, his head is splitting, and he has to throw up half an hour after getting to his desk. He kind of wishes he'd called off.
A few cups of tea -- he's pretty sure even he can't cope with coffee right now -- have his stomach feeling a little better, and he's getting shit done, scheduling things and networking with clients and confirming appointments and making sure the laundromat has Spencer's suits cleaned by Wednesday.
Then Spencer calls him in to his office. Spencer doesn't usually call Jon in, just kind of acts surprised and grateful when Jon shows up and occasionally offers up that big sunny smile of his. When Spencer does call Jon in, it's usually because something's gone wrong. Jon wonders if he's getting fired.
"So," Spencer says, and he's looking kind of sketchy. Jon's used to Spencer not meeting his eyes, but it's usually because Spencer's busy with something else and just not paying a lot of attention to him. Right now, Spencer keeps trying to look at him and then just ends up staring down at his desk or off at the walls.
"So?"
Spencer gets up and straightens a picture on the wall. It's a picture that Jon took a while back and hung up on his own, because Spencer's office is startlingly impersonal and Jon feels like it's kind of his duty to make the place look like it belongs to someone. Jon hadn't actually realized Spencer knew the picture was there. He wonders how long it's been crooked like that.
"Okay, look, I couldn't think of anyone else, because Ryan doesn't believe in tradition and wants to shake off the bonds of societal oppression or soething right now. So. Jon. Will you marry me?"
Jon laughs.
Spencer doesn't.
Jon stops laughing, and opts to stare with his mouth part open instead. "Okay, what? You're gay?"
"There are pictures of us together, right?" Spencer asks.
Jon has to think. "I think Tom took some at the Christmas party. Why?"
"Immigration needs all kinds of stuff before you can even get a green card marriage." Spencer leans back in his chair, pressing the heels of his palms against his eyes. "I was going to just renew my work visa, but it's too late to do that now. My family doesn't even live in Canada anymore. I don't know what I'd even do up there."
"That sucks," Jon offers, sympathetically.
"So you'll marry me, right?" Spencer pauses. "We can get divorced after - I think it's three years from green card to citizenship. Whatever. We won't be married married. I'd be homeless in Canada, Jon. I just threw down way too much money on a condo."
"Even though you knew you'd be deported," Jon says. "Man. That'd be weird, though, being married to my boss." He wonders how bad a sign it is that he's actually considering this. Spencer's a good guy, and a hard worker, and -- not that this figures into any of Jon's considerations, because they would totally never even consummate the marriage or anything -- kind of hot. Jon is pretty sure those factors would make Spencer a great citizen, or whatever. At the least, he doesn't deserve to get kicked out. Canada's full of moose and shit, and Jon says as much.
"Moose," Spencer repeats.
"Yeah, man, I don't want you to get eaten by a moose." Jon shakes his head, then regrets it, because his head still hurts pretty bad. He doesn't want to make any decisions while hungover. "Let me think about it, okay?"
"You've got maybe a week," Spencer says. "Fuck. Try to decide before then, though. There's way too much paperwork we have to fill out."
"Well, I am a pro at paperwork," Jon says with a shrug. "I'll ... yeah, I'll let you know, man. This really sucks."
"No need to remind me of that."
-
Jon does a stupid, stupid thing: he goes over to Tom's place after work, and gets really, really drunk, yet again, even though it's a week night. That isn't the stupidest thing, though, because he also spills his heart to Tom about the whole stupid thing.
"Man, you've gotta do it," Tom tells him, earnestly. "Immigration laws in this country are so unfair, you know? Don't just let him get kicked out. Besides, you'd make a sweet trophy wife."
"Why am I the wife? There doesn't have to be a wife. Neither of us is going to be the wife, dude."
Tom looks a little too crestfallen. "No?"
"No. And I don't want to know why you're acting so disappointed, man. The fuck."
"Call him," Tom says. "Tell him you're gonna do it."
"Okay," Jon says. "Yeah, dude, you're right, awesome. I'm going to - I'm getting married for justice."
He calls and tells Spencer as such. Spencer is incredulous when Jon says so, but -- and Jon should have known this, because he totally scheduled it in the first place -- Spencer's having a business-related dinner with a bunch of clients, so he can't really talk. Except, apparently, to jubilantly tell the whole table that he's getting married, and to tell Jon, "Love you, Jonny. Bye."
Jon blanches a little. "Tom. Tom, what did I just do?"
"You just saved a man's life."
"I did not," Jon says. "I just had my boss tell me he loves me. Man, shit, we're gonna have to fake being engaged to the immigration people, aren't we?"
"You can get through this," Tom says. "I've got your back."
I... unless you had plans for the idea, I might need to finish this thing off. I don't wanna jack the idea any more than I already did if you wanted it, though, ahahahaha.
though i keep realizing that this is going to have to be even more of an AU than i previously imagined, since god damn it america citizenship is on the federal level so you totally can't even get married for citizenship if you're gay (even if it's a legit marriage). etc. etc.
I BUMMED MYSELF OUT OKAY ;___; anyway now back to the happy fantasy land where DOMA doesn't exist tra la la~~~
UM, HI, I NEED THAT IN MY LIFE, TOO. (I just read what provetheworst wrote above, and I hope she continues it, or you finish yours. Whatever, I just need this in my life, haha.)
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i did a thing
"Awesome," Spencer says. "More mail. Do I care about any of it?"
"Well, there's something from the government. The US one, I mean." Jon is really tempted to hop up on Spencer's desk and sit there, just because it might get Spencer to actually look up from his work. He doesn't, though, because first of all it would require actual effort, and secondly, it would get his boss mad. Spencer probably wouldn't fire him -- probably -- becaue Jon's a pretty useful guy, but he would potentially make Jon actually have to work hard from time to time. When Spencer gets mad, he puts other people to work. It's a little weird.
Jon isn't going to get Spencer mad.
"Oh, fuck," Spencer says. "It's almost - fuck. You were supposed to tell me when it was March."
"I did, dude," Jon says. "You had that bro date with Ryan on the second. I totally told you what month it was."
"Right." Spencer says, "But you didn't tell me what month it was."
"Did I miss something?"
"No, no," Spencer says. "It's, whatever. I've got this. Go do ... whatever you were gonna do."
"Are you okay?"
"I'm good," Spencer says. "I'll see you later."
Jon looks at Spencer skeptically. "Okay, man, if you're sure."
-
It's Friday, so Jon goes home that night and orders pizza and hangs out with his cats, then he goes out drinking. He doesn't remember much else of the weekend after that. When he goes in to work Monday morning, his head is splitting, and he has to throw up half an hour after getting to his desk. He kind of wishes he'd called off.
A few cups of tea -- he's pretty sure even he can't cope with coffee right now -- have his stomach feeling a little better, and he's getting shit done, scheduling things and networking with clients and confirming appointments and making sure the laundromat has Spencer's suits cleaned by Wednesday.
Then Spencer calls him in to his office. Spencer doesn't usually call Jon in, just kind of acts surprised and grateful when Jon shows up and occasionally offers up that big sunny smile of his. When Spencer does call Jon in, it's usually because something's gone wrong. Jon wonders if he's getting fired.
"So," Spencer says, and he's looking kind of sketchy. Jon's used to Spencer not meeting his eyes, but it's usually because Spencer's busy with something else and just not paying a lot of attention to him. Right now, Spencer keeps trying to look at him and then just ends up staring down at his desk or off at the walls.
"So?"
Spencer gets up and straightens a picture on the wall. It's a picture that Jon took a while back and hung up on his own, because Spencer's office is startlingly impersonal and Jon feels like it's kind of his duty to make the place look like it belongs to someone. Jon hadn't actually realized Spencer knew the picture was there. He wonders how long it's been crooked like that.
"Okay, look, I couldn't think of anyone else, because Ryan doesn't believe in tradition and wants to shake off the bonds of societal oppression or soething right now. So. Jon. Will you marry me?"
Jon laughs.
Spencer doesn't.
Jon stops laughing, and opts to stare with his mouth part open instead. "Okay, what? You're gay?"
"Doesn't matter," Spencer says. "Will you do it?"
"I definitely missed something," Jon says.
"I'm going to get deported."
Jon tilts his head to the side. "Huh."
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i did another thing
Jon has to think. "I think Tom took some at the Christmas party. Why?"
"Immigration needs all kinds of stuff before you can even get a green card marriage." Spencer leans back in his chair, pressing the heels of his palms against his eyes. "I was going to just renew my work visa, but it's too late to do that now. My family doesn't even live in Canada anymore. I don't know what I'd even do up there."
"That sucks," Jon offers, sympathetically.
"So you'll marry me, right?" Spencer pauses. "We can get divorced after - I think it's three years from green card to citizenship. Whatever. We won't be married married. I'd be homeless in Canada, Jon. I just threw down way too much money on a condo."
"Even though you knew you'd be deported," Jon says. "Man. That'd be weird, though, being married to my boss." He wonders how bad a sign it is that he's actually considering this. Spencer's a good guy, and a hard worker, and -- not that this figures into any of Jon's considerations, because they would totally never even consummate the marriage or anything -- kind of hot. Jon is pretty sure those factors would make Spencer a great citizen, or whatever. At the least, he doesn't deserve to get kicked out. Canada's full of moose and shit, and Jon says as much.
"Moose," Spencer repeats.
"Yeah, man, I don't want you to get eaten by a moose." Jon shakes his head, then regrets it, because his head still hurts pretty bad. He doesn't want to make any decisions while hungover. "Let me think about it, okay?"
"You've got maybe a week," Spencer says. "Fuck. Try to decide before then, though. There's way too much paperwork we have to fill out."
"Well, I am a pro at paperwork," Jon says with a shrug. "I'll ... yeah, I'll let you know, man. This really sucks."
"No need to remind me of that."
-
Jon does a stupid, stupid thing: he goes over to Tom's place after work, and gets really, really drunk, yet again, even though it's a week night. That isn't the stupidest thing, though, because he also spills his heart to Tom about the whole stupid thing.
"Man, you've gotta do it," Tom tells him, earnestly. "Immigration laws in this country are so unfair, you know? Don't just let him get kicked out. Besides, you'd make a sweet trophy wife."
"Why am I the wife? There doesn't have to be a wife. Neither of us is going to be the wife, dude."
Tom looks a little too crestfallen. "No?"
"No. And I don't want to know why you're acting so disappointed, man. The fuck."
"Call him," Tom says. "Tell him you're gonna do it."
"Okay," Jon says. "Yeah, dude, you're right, awesome. I'm going to - I'm getting married for justice."
He calls and tells Spencer as such. Spencer is incredulous when Jon says so, but -- and Jon should have known this, because he totally scheduled it in the first place -- Spencer's having a business-related dinner with a bunch of clients, so he can't really talk. Except, apparently, to jubilantly tell the whole table that he's getting married, and to tell Jon, "Love you, Jonny. Bye."
Jon blanches a little. "Tom. Tom, what did I just do?"
"You just saved a man's life."
"I did not," Jon says. "I just had my boss tell me he loves me. Man, shit, we're gonna have to fake being engaged to the immigration people, aren't we?"
"You can get through this," Tom says. "I've got your back."
"Awesome," Jon says, weakly.
"And I've got more whiskey."
"Awesome," Jon repeats, sincere this time.
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I BUMMED MYSELF OUT OKAY ;___; anyway now back to the happy fantasy land where DOMA doesn't exist tra la la~~~
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