foxxcub | christmas porn!

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christmas porn!

I am still grumpy. :( So, I'm going to babble about the CHRISTMAS HARLEQUIN STORY I just finished reading!

OMG, it's the greatest thing ever: the duke is a rake who is being forced by his family to marry this mousy, much younger chick and have babies with her. So in a fit of selfishness, he decides that he's going to spend the Christmas holiday at his BFF's hunting lodge with the BFF, his mistress, and a woman of the duke's choosing, someone he can spend a week having crazy monkey sex with. But the woman he chooses to invite is a dancer at the theater, ONLY SHE'S NOT REALLY!

Dancer Chick is really a ~lady in disguise, desperately trying to raise money to help her ailing sister since their family is all but destitute. And she knows the duke wants her, but she's a virgin! She wants to be true to herself! But she needs the money, and the duke offers her, like, a billion dollars to sex him for a week over Christmas. So she gives up spending the holidays with her mother and sister (;__;) and goes to be a whore.

BUT BUT! They get to the hunting lodge (which is really a mansion in the woods, THOSE CRAZY RICH DUKES), and Dancer Chick takes it upon herself to decorate the lodge for Christmas! Because everyone needs Christmas cheer in their lives! She wins over the staff and the duke's BFF, and then a carriage crashes in the snow outside the lodge. It's a young minister and his wife and two boys, and the wife is very pregnant. Dancer Chick of course immediately makes them welcome, and of course, THE MOTHER GOES INTO LABOR ON CHRISTMAS EVE! Which Dancer Chick helps deliver, because she's awesome.

Naturally, the duke is ridiculously smitten with Dancer Chick and her obsession with Christmas and natural happiness (he knows she's not a whore! It was pretty obvious on their first night, so no sex right away), and on Christmas Day THEY HAVE LOTS OF SEX AND GIVE EACH OTHER CHRISTMAS PRESENTS. OH, AND SHE TELLS THE DUKE HER TRUE IDENTITY, AND THEN THEY FALL IN LOVE.

I loved it, and want to read it again a million more times.

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...now all I can think about is all of the adorkable Twittering Jon has been doing because he LUVS X-MAS LIEK WHOA.

I mean, not that I'm thinking about Jon as the desperate virginal...uh, well, maybe not dancer, maybe musician, who lets himself get taken out to a mansion for a week of whoring in order to support his family but then wins over ~~Spencer~~ the Duke by being all adorkably cute about Christmas or anything. Not at all. *shifty*

THAT IDEA NEVER ENTERED MY MIND. EVER. >.>

I WOULD NEVER DARE TO SUGGEST OTHERWISE. *whistles*

BECAUSE PRECIOUS, MUSICAL VIRGINS WHO ARE ENAMORED WITH CHRISTMAS (dude, there's an entire scene where she has a glee fit over it SNOWING ON CHRISTMAS) NEVER MAKE ME THINK OF JON WALKER.

OF COURSE NOT. AND IT DOES NOT MAKE ME THINK OF SPENCER SMITH'S RAKISH HEART GOING ALL SOFT AND FLUTTERY WATCHING JON WALKER HAVE A GLEE FIT ABOUT THE SNOW OR BEING DRAGGED AGAINST HIS WILL OUT INTO THE SNOW TO HELP ADORKABLY CUTE JON WALKER BUILD A SNOWMAN OR SOMETHING SIMILARLY SHMOOPY AND ADORKABLE.

I SHIT YOU NOT WHEN I SAY THAT THERE'S ALSO A SCENE WHERE SHE MAKES THE RAKE GO OUT INTO THE FOOT OF SNOW TO GATHER HOLLY BRANCHES TO DECORATE THE HOUSE. THEY END UP KISSING AGAINST A TREE WHEN THEY HAVE A SNOWBALL FIGHT.

WELL THAT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN IF JON WALKER WAS THE VIRGINAL MUSICIAN. BECAUSE IT'S NOT LIKE HE WOULD LOOK SO BREATHTAKINGLY PERFECT WITH HIS CHEEKS ALL PINK AND HIS EYES BRIGHT FROM LAUGHING WHEN SPENCER CATCHES HIM TRYING TO HIDE BEHIND A TREE AND PELTS HIM WITH SNOWBALLS. AND IF SPENCER LAUGHED WITH HIM AND REACHED OUT TO RUFFLE THE SNOW OUT OF JON'S HAIR HE WOULD SURELY NOT BE SO CAUGHT UP IN THE MOMENT THAT HE WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO RESIST LEANING IN TO KISS JON'S PERFECT SMILE.

NO, THIS WOULD NEVER HAPPEN EVER. AND JON WOULDN'T BE A LITTLE CAUGHT OFF GUARD BY THE KISS, BUT STILL READY FOR IT, BECAUSE HE'S STARTING TO REALIZE WHAT IT MEANS TO REALLY WANT SOMEONE AND HE REALLY WANTS TO KISS SPENCER. HE WOULDN'T SIGH SOFTLY AND LEAN TENTATIVELY INTO SPENCER'S KISS, LETTING HIS HAND FLUTTER UP TO SPENCER'S CHEST. AND SPENCER WOULD NOT SORT OF STUPIDLY MELT INTO THIS HESITANT, CAREFUL KISS THAT IS PERHAPS THE HOTTEST KISS HE'S EVER HAD.

Although if that DID happen, what might happen next is that the moment might go on just a little too long and suddenly all of Jon's nervousness would flood back in. His awareness of why Spencer brought him there and what Spencer expects from him would rush over him and he'd realize that what he's doing at that moment might have tipped the delicate balance between them -- because Jon thinks that the fact that Spencer hasn't gotten tired of waiting and ravished him is because Jon has somehow made himself unobtrusive and perhaps undesirable, but now, the way Spencer is leaning into him, the soft sound Spencer makes and the way he drags his hands up Jon's arms to cup his face -- what if Spencer takes it as an invitation, and Jon can't say no?

Spencer catches the shiver that runs through Jon, and at first he thinks it's an echo of how he feels, so right and passionate and turned on. But then he realizes Jon has gone still and tense, and when he pulls back a little, breaks the kiss for just a quick moment, he sees the way all of the laughter has gone from Jon's face and he's back to looking so shy and unsure and anxious. Spencer isn't sure what he wants to do more -- groan and bang his head on the tree, keep kissing Jon and make him see that it can be good, or weep. He is sure that he couldn't stand it if he hurt Jon, though, or did anything that would chase the laughter and happiness away for good.

So he blows all his frustration out in a small sigh and presses his mouth softly to Jon's forehead and steps back.

"Please tell me we've got enough of these blasted holly boughs?" He stoops to scoop up the branches he'd dropped when he'd got caught up in the kiss and shook the snow off them. "If I've got to stay out here much longer my feet are going to freeze off, and I'm pretty sure I'll need them if you expect me to climb ladders to help you hang the things."

:P

♥__♥

Jon blinks at him in surprise. "I...I'm sure we have enough. Wouldn't want to damage any of your beautiful extremities." And that sounds like some kind of salacious innuendo, which makes Jon wince and knock his head back against the tree when Spencer turns his back to him.

But Spencer laughs, and the sound is a little breathless. "You find my feet beautiful, do you?" he asks, smirking at Jon over his shoulder. His cheeks are flushed pink from the cold, and his hair is damp from the clinging snowflakes. Spencer looks tousled and boyish, and his smile is...god. A part of Jon is relieved Spencer does not smile like that often, or he would have no doubt made a fool of himself much earlier. Spencer likes to portray himself with a cynical boredom, but Jon is beginning to learn that it's mostly an act; little, simple things make Spencer laugh, and he really is quite witty.

Jon takes a deep breath, ignoring his rapidly pounding heart. "I'm merely stating that I don't want to be held responsible for ruining your holiday. A lack of feet would certainly do that, I believe." He busies himself with gathering the rest of the holly branches, so he doesn't look over to see the way Spencer smiles at him.

"I don't think it's possible for you to ruin my holiday, Jon," Spencer replies softly, and there's a shyness in his words that Jon doesn't understand at all.

wow. that's not ideally suited to bandom at ALL. :P

you're writing it, right? :D

AHAHAHAHA right?

I am already writing a historical romance with

lyo, so...I am all for someone writing this FOR ME. :D

Oh God, you've made me want to read that. :/ I blame my romantic heart/Mills and Boon beginnings.

Besides, what's better than a bit of historical (it's regency, right? Please say right) schmoop at Christmas? ...Bandom would be all over that.

...That would be my way of saying, totally on board with that Jon/Spencer plan you are not planning. ;D

Of COURSE it's regency, the best ones are!! :D

AW. THAT IS SO CHARMING, MY FACE HURTS FROM MY SMILE.

What's it called? I work at a book store. I might have to grab a copy.

It's called The Heart of Christmas, and it's a collection of three stories. This one is the first one. I think the author's name is Mary Balough. Just look for the dark green cover, lol.

HAHAHAHA I LOVE YOUR BRAIN!! Seriously though, it is so nice to have someone around who appreciates the finer points of Harlequin romance as much as I do. ;D

Oh god, I sometimes think bandom + Harlequin romance novels = my favorite thing on Earth. For realz. ♥

The only thing better than Harlequin bandom fic is Christmas Harlequin bandom fics. TRUEST OF TRUE FACTS.

:DDDDDDDD

That is perfect for Jon as the virginal whatever. *___*

IT IS A NICE CHANCE OF PACE, IS IT NOT? :DDDDDDDDDDDD

That is so ridiculous it swerves right around again to being magical and AWESOME.

RIGHT?? :D

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