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Fic: Tell Me About Your First Kiss
Tell Me About Your First Kiss
baby!Panic | 3200 words | PG
Brendon gets up on his knees and spreads his hands out, almost like he's preaching. "It's like, everyone needs to get their first kiss out of the way, y'know?"
Slightly belated for Valentine's Day, sorry about that! This is a continuation of my baby!Panic 'verse, although this takes place a few years before the puppy fic (actually, pretend that fic never happened. *cough*). Betad by![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
gobsmackit. ♥
"Seriously, Brendon, why do you have be such a girl sometimes?" Spencer says it with only mild exasperation in his voice, not looking away from the television, where he's in the middle of completely tromping Ryan at Goldeneye 007.
"I'm not, I just wanna try it." Brendon sprawls out on the carpet in front of the TV, pouting at the two of them and Jon, who's curled up on the couch waiting patiently for his turn on the game. He's kind of hoping Ryan will make a comeback.
Brendon flails his hand at Jon. "You'll do it, right?"
Jon shrugs one shoulder. "I guess? But isn't it something you do when you have, like, more than four people?"
"Nope, four is perfect."
Ryan huffs and promptly dies. "Shit," he says, throwing his controller down. Jon knows the only reason he lets himself swear out loud is because they're all in Spencer's basement with the door shut, where Spencer's mom can't hear.
"I? Am awesome," Spencer replies smugly. He looks over his shoulder at Jon for confirmation, and Jon gives him a thumbs up.
"Okay, so now that Ryan's dead, can we do Spin-the-Bottle?"
Spencer groans and flops onto his back. "No, I have to play Jon now, it's his turn."
Brendon shakes his head fiercely. "You can play after, c'mon, Spence."
"You do realize there's kissing involved," Ryan says, sounding bored as he leans back on his elbows, but his eyes keep flicking back and forth between Jon and Spencer.
"Of course! That's the best part!" Brendon gets up on his knees and spreads his hands out, almost like he's preaching. "It's like, everyone needs to get their first kiss out of the way, y'know? And this is way it's not, like, weird and stuff, we just do it, and then it's over!"
Jon frowns as he gets down off the couch and sits on the floor beside Ryan, closing the lopsided circle. "Wait, how do you know I've never kissed anyone?"
Brendon rolls his eyes. "'Cause you haven't, and if you had, you would've told Spence, and he would've told me."
"Hey!" Spencer goes bright pink, glaring at Brendon, then immediately gives Jon a wide-eyed, innocent look. "I wouldn't, I swear," he whispers earnestly, and Jon can't help grinning.
"So you're just doing this to say you've kissed someone," Ryan says slowly, legs folded neatly underneath him. Now he sounds more tentative than bored.
"I'm doing this for our own good, Ryan Ross," Brendon replies matter-of-factly, and he sets a Coke can in the center of the circle with a flourish.
Spencer sniffs. "That's a Coke can, not a bottle."
"Then have your mom to buy more soda in bottles." Brendon shakes his head impatiently. "Whatever, someone spin it."
No one makes a move. Sometimes Jon hates being the oldest, because it makes him feel like he should go first in everything. But thirteen or not ("Jon, you're a teenager now!" Brendon had exclaimed on Jon's birthday), he wasn't going to be first this time.
After a long, dramatic sigh, Brendon says, "Fine, I'll go. Geez." He reaches over and spins the Coke can on the carpet. It twirls in a blurry red circle before coming to a stop pointed straight at Ryan.
Spencer breathes a sigh of relief, as does Jon. Ryan's eyebrows go way up.
"Uh," he says. "I think you should spin again."
"Nope, the rules say you spin once and once only." Brendon nods sagely.
"What rules? We're not even using a real bottle." The tops of Ryan's cheeks are starting to go a little pink.
"There are rules, Ryan, everyone knows that." Brendon holds his hand up and starts ticking off points on his fingers. "No tongue, no skipping, no do-overs."
"Tongue?" Spencer squeaks.
Jon nudges him from across the circle with his toes and whispers, "He said no tongue."
But Ryan's not convinced. "I never even really said I was playing," he says carefully, looking down at his hands splayed over his knees.
Brendon makes a small whimper of frustration as he crawls across the carpet to Ryan. "You're in the circle, so you're playing."
"But..." Ryan frowns hard. "Seriously?"
"Yeah, seriously." Brendon matches his frown suddenly, and he looks almost hurt for a second, as if Ryan had punched him or something.
"Fine." Ryan tips his chin up, mouth in a tight, straight line. His cheeks are getting pinker by the second. "So do it already."
They stare-off for a few seconds, and Brendon slowly starts to lean in very carefully, lips barely parted. He doesn't shut his eyes until the very last second, but just as their mouths touch, Ryan surges up and smashes their lips together, hard, before jerking back. Brendon's eyes fly open, and he sits blinking at Ryan, pressing the back of his hand to his mouth as Ryan looks down at the floor, still frowning, the blush spreading down his neck.
"Um." Brendon drops his hand and carefully doesn't look at Ryan as he pushes the can toward Spencer. His voice sounds weird; Jon can't quite tell if he's pissed off or sad, even though both aren't really something you feel after kissing someone. "Your turn, Spence."
"Mine? But it's Ryan's turn, he just kissed you!" Spencer blushes easily, anyway, but now he's really pink, almost more than Ryan.
"You're sitting next to me, so it's your turn."
Spencer scrunches his mouth up and glares at the can. "This is bullshit," he mumbles before spinning it.
It comes to a stop on Brendon, who immediately beams and leans into Spencer.
"Wait, hold on, shouldn't there be, like, a countdown?" Spencer whispers, but doesn't pull back. Jon wants to feel bad for him, but at the same time he's just happy it's not him.
Brendon rolls his eyes. "Onetwothree," he says, and before Spencer can object, Brendon kisses him loudly, their lips making a wet, smacking noise when they break apart.
"That's more like it," Brendon says happily as Spencer licks his lips slowly, looking a little confused. Ryan watches them both with narrowed eyes; he's on the other side of Spencer in the circle, but when Spencer nudges the can toward him, Ryan flicks it toward Jon.
"Walker needs to go," he says, and the look he gives Jon is almost daring him to back out.
The thing is, Jon has been to a boy/girl party. He knows how these games turn out, and it's not fun; people get all weird and start making faces at each other, or end up not talking at all. Jon doesn't want that to happen here, not with his best friends, not over something as dumb as kissing.
"We...we should probably think about stopping," Jon replies softly, folding his arms over his chest.
Brendon whines, "Jon, c'mooooon," and presses up tightly along Jon's side. "Everyone else's gone. You're it." Brendon is perfectly fine with ignoring rules when he feels like it.
"I just...look. This is stupid." Brendon's face falls, so Jon shakes his head and adds quickly, "No, I mean, there's only four of us. We're all gonna kiss each other eventually, it doesn't matter if a Coke can tells us to or not, y'know?" He's not really sure how he's making his case for not playing the game, and his cheeks feel really hot all of a sudden.
Spencer frowns thoughtfully. "So, you're saying we should all just, like, kiss each other and get it over with?" He drums his fingers against his knees in fits and starts.
Well, now that Spencer put it out there like that, it sounds even more dumb. "I...guess?"
Brendon still looks a little disappointed. "But then we're not actually playing a game," he sighs.
"Jon's right, we don't have enough people," Ryan pipes up, folding his arms and mirroring Jon's stance. "And we should just get it over with so we can...do other stuff." He bites his lip and glances back at the TV almost wistfully, the tips of his ears still pink.
"Okay, fine," Brendon says reluctantly. "Then I'll kiss Jon, since I haven't yet."
Jon swallows and nods like that makes perfect sense. "Okay." He keeps his arms crossed, but goes up on his knees and leans toward Brendon.
"I get to be your first!" Brendon whispers right before Jon closes his eyes. Jon doesn't miss the little snort Spencer gives as their mouths meet very lightly. Brendon's lips are very soft and gentle and warm, and it's over before Jon can really think about whether he likes it or not. Since the heat in his cheeks feels like it's spread down his neck, he guesses he liked it fine.
"You kiss better than Ryan," Brendon says once they break apart, and when Jon glances at Ryan, he's not looking at either of them.
Instead, he grabs Spencer's wrist and pulls him close, mumbling something that sounds like, "So, so stupid," as he kisses Spencer, barely catching the edge of Spencer's lower lip. Spencer flails his hand out and tries to keep from falling over as his eyes flutter shut. It's not as quick as all the previous kisses, and when Ryan pulls back slowly, Spencer's eyes stay closed, lashes fanned out over his flushed cheeks. He's breathing a little funny, and something equally funny shivers in Jon's stomach. He hears Brendon whisper, "Oh," in a low voice, and everything is suddenly quiet.
"'m not a bad kisser," Ryan says, softly. He tips his chin up, mouth back in a firm line, and glares at Brendon.
Brendon stutters, "I didn't—I just—when we—," his shoulders hunching in a little. Jon hates it when Brendon looks all hurt and embarrassed, so he says to Ryan, "Maybe there could be a do-over?"
Ryan twists his mouth up to one side for a second, and finally says, very, very quietly, "Yeah."
Brendon's eyes flare, but he doesn't whoop with glee or pump his fists. He just nods slowly and wiggles across the carpet until he's nose to nose with Ryan, looking more serious than Jon's ever seen him. For a second, Jon wonders if this has anything to do with the rumor that went around school a while back about Brendon having a giant crush on Ryan, a rumor Ryan never really mentioned and Brendon fiercely denied. But Ryan knew about it; he'd asked Jon once if it seemed weird that Brendon would like him "like that," and Jon had replied, slightly confused, "Why wouldn't he?" Lately it feels like everything means more somehow, that "liking" someone means something scary. Jon doesn't get it, and he doesn't understand why Ryan is suddenly angry with Brendon about it.
This time Ryan doesn't go first. He swallows hard and keeps his hands balled up in fists at his sides. Just before it happens, Jon catches the way Ryan's gaze drops to Brendon's mouth, and something resembling fear flashes in his eyes right before he closes them and tilts his mouth toward Brendon. No one moves until Brendon finally lets out a soft sigh and leans forward.
It's strange, how Ryan's face relaxes when their lips meet, how the back of Brendon's neck explodes into various shades of pink, how Ryan actually straightens and presses in a little more after a few seconds. Brendon shivers, and his hand comes up to rest on Ryan's shoulder.
It lasts a long time. Well, a long time in Jon's mind, longer than any kiss he's seen. In the meantime, Spencer scoots over beside Jon and hooks his chin over Jon's shoulder. "Huh," he whispers, breath warm against Jon's neck. He doesn't say anything else, and for some reason Jon is far too aware of how close Spencer's mouth is to his.
"Guess Ryan was right," Jon replies, and he attempts to shift away from Spencer, put some space between them, even though it shouldn't matter at all, it's not like he's never napped curled up with Spencer or anything. It's perfectly natural for the four to be in each other's space, but it's that stupid weirdness that makes Jon wonder if Spencer wants to be kissed like Ryan and Brendon kissed, if his face would go all soft like Ryan's. This is why Jon doesn't like kissing games; he shouldn't be thinking things like this about his best friend. It reminds him of the time last summer when they'd all gone down to the lake together, and when Jon freaked out about swimming in deep water, Spencer had jumped in with him and held his hand the whole time. Jon remembers every time Spencer had squeezed their fingers together with too much clarity, and a part of him wishes he'd just forget about it, because it only makes things like stupid kissing games more difficult for no reason.
Spencer nods his chin slightly against Jon's shoulder. "We should, maybe. Like." He shrugs, and Jon can feel Spencer's throat move when he swallows. "I dunno, just do it?"
Ryan and Brendon finally break apart, or rather Brendon pulls back and gasps loudly. Ryan's expression isn't angry this time; he looks sleepy, if anything. His lips look really pink, and he blinks a few time before he looks up at Jon and Spencer.
"You and Spencer are gonna go?" Brendon says, his voice slightly shaky. He keeps licking his lips over and over.
"Sure, all right," Jon says, and he winces when his own voice cracks a little. Everyone is staring at him, making Jon feel dumb and awkward. At least at the boy/girl party he had lucked out and not had to spin.
"You don't have to," Spencer whispers, still very close to Jon's ear. It makes the funny shiver in Jon's belly happen again.
Jon shakes his head and turns around on the carpet so that he's facing Spencer. Spencer's watching him with wide blue eyes, bottom lip caught between his teeth. The tops of his cheeks are red, making his freckles stand out on his nose. Without realizing it, Jon frowns, just like Ryan did.
Spencer's face falls, and it hits Jon in the chest, like a punch. It's not a pleasant feeling.
"Hey, no, it's cool, we can do it, just." Jon presses his lips together, painfully aware that Ryan and Brendon are only a few feet away, watching his every move. "Just...we can countdown?"
The corner of Spencer's mouth quirks up slowly, and then he's beaming at Jon. "Yeah, yeah, totally," he says, rubbing his palms on his legs. He shuffles a little closer on the carpet, until his knees bump up against Jon's. This close, Jon can see where Spencer's lower lip gets wet and shiny along the inner curve of his mouth.
Jon's heart is beating way too fast. He takes a deep breath, closes his eyes, and says, slowly, "One, two, three."
He's not the one to lean in first. There's a pause after the end of "three," and Jon cracks an eye open to see if maybe Spencer's chickening out. But then he feels lips pressing against his, and his nose bumps Spencer's, but it's nothing uncomfortable. It feels warm, almost too warm, and wet, like he can tell Spencer licked his lips just before kissing him. Jon wants to open his eyes, see if Spencer is making the same face Ryan made when Brendon kissed him, but he's too distracted by everything else that's happening, especially when he hears Spencer breathe out softly through his nose and carefully splay his fingertips over Jon's chest.
It's too much for one kiss, at least for Jon. He ducks out of the kiss, head bowed and eyes still closed, and tries to get his breath back. How people can do this for hours and hours, Jon can't even imagine. His lungs would explode.
When he finally looks up, Spencer's sitting back on his heels, skin flushed, his eyes all sleepy-looking like Ryan's. His lips are still parted.
"That, um, wasn't so bad, right?" Spencer asks softly.
Jon swipes his tongue once, twice, over his lower lip. Huh, so that's why Brendon did it. "No, 's okay," he says just as quietly. He glances over his shoulder at Ryan and Brendon; Brendon's eyes are really wide, and Ryan's head is tilted to one side as he chews the corner of his thumb.
"Uh." Brendon gets to his feet and stretches. He yawns, but Jon can tell it's fake. "I'm ready for more Goldeneye. Jon, lemme kick your ass."
"Okay," Jon says, looking back at Spencer, but he and Ryan are having their weird eye conversations.
The two of them sprawl out in front of the TV, leaving Ryan and Spencer to eventually curl up on the couch together. Jon can't help noticing that they touch each other differently than before, that Spencer doesn't automatically put his head in Ryan's lap. Their knees are touching, but that's all.
Jon's lips still feel funny. He rubs his thumb over them absently.
"It's no big deal," Brendon whispers. He leans close, nudging Jon's elbow. "It's just kissing. It doesn't mean anything." But his cheeks are still flushed, and he keeps flicking his gaze back to the couch.
"Duh, I know," Jon says, rolling his eyes. He nudges Brendon back. "Let's just keep playing."
Eventually Spencer's mom comes downstairs and helps them lay out their sleeping bags with extra blankets. She offers them hot chocolate, but they all shake their heads.
"You boys are being awfully quiet," she says with a smile. "Everything all right?"
"We're fine, Mom," Spencer says quickly, and the rest of them nod in agreement.
"I'll take your word for it, then." She flips the lights off on her way up the stairs, leaving the four of them alone in the dark with nothing but the glow of the TV.
They don't say anything for a long time, just listening to a rerun of House. Ryan always likes the doctor shows, likes the medical jargon he can't even begin to interpret.
Finally, Brendon mumbles, "I'm cold."
"My mom just left you fifty billion blankets," Spencer replies, but he wiggles closer to him and opens his sleeping bag for Brendon to crawl inside.
"You're way warmer," Brendon sighs, sounding happy and contented.
They lay in silence for a while, but soon Jon starts to think Brendon's right, it is really cold in the basement. He shivers and wraps his blanket and sleeping bag tighter around himself, curling into a ball.
He feels something kicking gently at his leg. Jon glances up and sees Spencer rolling his eyes at him. He unzips his sleeping bag completely, holding it open for Jon. "Get in," he says softly.
Jon knows he's blushing, but it's dark and no one can see. He tucks himself into Spencer's sleeping bag, curled up along Spencer's back. His nose brushes against Spencer's neck, making Jon hold his breath for a moment.
"Ryan, you're missing out, c'mere," Brendon says sleepily, and eventually Jon hears more rustling of blankets. He lifts his head and sees Ryan laying on his stomach with Brendon half-draped along his side.
Jon smiles to himself, nestles back down against Spencer, and falls asleep knowing that things are going to be okay.
baby!Panic | 3200 words | PG
Brendon gets up on his knees and spreads his hands out, almost like he's preaching. "It's like, everyone needs to get their first kiss out of the way, y'know?"
Slightly belated for Valentine's Day, sorry about that! This is a continuation of my baby!Panic 'verse, although this takes place a few years before the puppy fic (actually, pretend that fic never happened. *cough*). Betad by
gobsmackit. ♥"Seriously, Brendon, why do you have be such a girl sometimes?" Spencer says it with only mild exasperation in his voice, not looking away from the television, where he's in the middle of completely tromping Ryan at Goldeneye 007.
"I'm not, I just wanna try it." Brendon sprawls out on the carpet in front of the TV, pouting at the two of them and Jon, who's curled up on the couch waiting patiently for his turn on the game. He's kind of hoping Ryan will make a comeback.
Brendon flails his hand at Jon. "You'll do it, right?"
Jon shrugs one shoulder. "I guess? But isn't it something you do when you have, like, more than four people?"
"Nope, four is perfect."
Ryan huffs and promptly dies. "Shit," he says, throwing his controller down. Jon knows the only reason he lets himself swear out loud is because they're all in Spencer's basement with the door shut, where Spencer's mom can't hear.
"I? Am awesome," Spencer replies smugly. He looks over his shoulder at Jon for confirmation, and Jon gives him a thumbs up.
"Okay, so now that Ryan's dead, can we do Spin-the-Bottle?"
Spencer groans and flops onto his back. "No, I have to play Jon now, it's his turn."
Brendon shakes his head fiercely. "You can play after, c'mon, Spence."
"You do realize there's kissing involved," Ryan says, sounding bored as he leans back on his elbows, but his eyes keep flicking back and forth between Jon and Spencer.
"Of course! That's the best part!" Brendon gets up on his knees and spreads his hands out, almost like he's preaching. "It's like, everyone needs to get their first kiss out of the way, y'know? And this is way it's not, like, weird and stuff, we just do it, and then it's over!"
Jon frowns as he gets down off the couch and sits on the floor beside Ryan, closing the lopsided circle. "Wait, how do you know I've never kissed anyone?"
Brendon rolls his eyes. "'Cause you haven't, and if you had, you would've told Spence, and he would've told me."
"Hey!" Spencer goes bright pink, glaring at Brendon, then immediately gives Jon a wide-eyed, innocent look. "I wouldn't, I swear," he whispers earnestly, and Jon can't help grinning.
"So you're just doing this to say you've kissed someone," Ryan says slowly, legs folded neatly underneath him. Now he sounds more tentative than bored.
"I'm doing this for our own good, Ryan Ross," Brendon replies matter-of-factly, and he sets a Coke can in the center of the circle with a flourish.
Spencer sniffs. "That's a Coke can, not a bottle."
"Then have your mom to buy more soda in bottles." Brendon shakes his head impatiently. "Whatever, someone spin it."
No one makes a move. Sometimes Jon hates being the oldest, because it makes him feel like he should go first in everything. But thirteen or not ("Jon, you're a teenager now!" Brendon had exclaimed on Jon's birthday), he wasn't going to be first this time.
After a long, dramatic sigh, Brendon says, "Fine, I'll go. Geez." He reaches over and spins the Coke can on the carpet. It twirls in a blurry red circle before coming to a stop pointed straight at Ryan.
Spencer breathes a sigh of relief, as does Jon. Ryan's eyebrows go way up.
"Uh," he says. "I think you should spin again."
"Nope, the rules say you spin once and once only." Brendon nods sagely.
"What rules? We're not even using a real bottle." The tops of Ryan's cheeks are starting to go a little pink.
"There are rules, Ryan, everyone knows that." Brendon holds his hand up and starts ticking off points on his fingers. "No tongue, no skipping, no do-overs."
"Tongue?" Spencer squeaks.
Jon nudges him from across the circle with his toes and whispers, "He said no tongue."
But Ryan's not convinced. "I never even really said I was playing," he says carefully, looking down at his hands splayed over his knees.
Brendon makes a small whimper of frustration as he crawls across the carpet to Ryan. "You're in the circle, so you're playing."
"But..." Ryan frowns hard. "Seriously?"
"Yeah, seriously." Brendon matches his frown suddenly, and he looks almost hurt for a second, as if Ryan had punched him or something.
"Fine." Ryan tips his chin up, mouth in a tight, straight line. His cheeks are getting pinker by the second. "So do it already."
They stare-off for a few seconds, and Brendon slowly starts to lean in very carefully, lips barely parted. He doesn't shut his eyes until the very last second, but just as their mouths touch, Ryan surges up and smashes their lips together, hard, before jerking back. Brendon's eyes fly open, and he sits blinking at Ryan, pressing the back of his hand to his mouth as Ryan looks down at the floor, still frowning, the blush spreading down his neck.
"Um." Brendon drops his hand and carefully doesn't look at Ryan as he pushes the can toward Spencer. His voice sounds weird; Jon can't quite tell if he's pissed off or sad, even though both aren't really something you feel after kissing someone. "Your turn, Spence."
"Mine? But it's Ryan's turn, he just kissed you!" Spencer blushes easily, anyway, but now he's really pink, almost more than Ryan.
"You're sitting next to me, so it's your turn."
Spencer scrunches his mouth up and glares at the can. "This is bullshit," he mumbles before spinning it.
It comes to a stop on Brendon, who immediately beams and leans into Spencer.
"Wait, hold on, shouldn't there be, like, a countdown?" Spencer whispers, but doesn't pull back. Jon wants to feel bad for him, but at the same time he's just happy it's not him.
Brendon rolls his eyes. "Onetwothree," he says, and before Spencer can object, Brendon kisses him loudly, their lips making a wet, smacking noise when they break apart.
"That's more like it," Brendon says happily as Spencer licks his lips slowly, looking a little confused. Ryan watches them both with narrowed eyes; he's on the other side of Spencer in the circle, but when Spencer nudges the can toward him, Ryan flicks it toward Jon.
"Walker needs to go," he says, and the look he gives Jon is almost daring him to back out.
The thing is, Jon has been to a boy/girl party. He knows how these games turn out, and it's not fun; people get all weird and start making faces at each other, or end up not talking at all. Jon doesn't want that to happen here, not with his best friends, not over something as dumb as kissing.
"We...we should probably think about stopping," Jon replies softly, folding his arms over his chest.
Brendon whines, "Jon, c'mooooon," and presses up tightly along Jon's side. "Everyone else's gone. You're it." Brendon is perfectly fine with ignoring rules when he feels like it.
"I just...look. This is stupid." Brendon's face falls, so Jon shakes his head and adds quickly, "No, I mean, there's only four of us. We're all gonna kiss each other eventually, it doesn't matter if a Coke can tells us to or not, y'know?" He's not really sure how he's making his case for not playing the game, and his cheeks feel really hot all of a sudden.
Spencer frowns thoughtfully. "So, you're saying we should all just, like, kiss each other and get it over with?" He drums his fingers against his knees in fits and starts.
Well, now that Spencer put it out there like that, it sounds even more dumb. "I...guess?"
Brendon still looks a little disappointed. "But then we're not actually playing a game," he sighs.
"Jon's right, we don't have enough people," Ryan pipes up, folding his arms and mirroring Jon's stance. "And we should just get it over with so we can...do other stuff." He bites his lip and glances back at the TV almost wistfully, the tips of his ears still pink.
"Okay, fine," Brendon says reluctantly. "Then I'll kiss Jon, since I haven't yet."
Jon swallows and nods like that makes perfect sense. "Okay." He keeps his arms crossed, but goes up on his knees and leans toward Brendon.
"I get to be your first!" Brendon whispers right before Jon closes his eyes. Jon doesn't miss the little snort Spencer gives as their mouths meet very lightly. Brendon's lips are very soft and gentle and warm, and it's over before Jon can really think about whether he likes it or not. Since the heat in his cheeks feels like it's spread down his neck, he guesses he liked it fine.
"You kiss better than Ryan," Brendon says once they break apart, and when Jon glances at Ryan, he's not looking at either of them.
Instead, he grabs Spencer's wrist and pulls him close, mumbling something that sounds like, "So, so stupid," as he kisses Spencer, barely catching the edge of Spencer's lower lip. Spencer flails his hand out and tries to keep from falling over as his eyes flutter shut. It's not as quick as all the previous kisses, and when Ryan pulls back slowly, Spencer's eyes stay closed, lashes fanned out over his flushed cheeks. He's breathing a little funny, and something equally funny shivers in Jon's stomach. He hears Brendon whisper, "Oh," in a low voice, and everything is suddenly quiet.
"'m not a bad kisser," Ryan says, softly. He tips his chin up, mouth back in a firm line, and glares at Brendon.
Brendon stutters, "I didn't—I just—when we—," his shoulders hunching in a little. Jon hates it when Brendon looks all hurt and embarrassed, so he says to Ryan, "Maybe there could be a do-over?"
Ryan twists his mouth up to one side for a second, and finally says, very, very quietly, "Yeah."
Brendon's eyes flare, but he doesn't whoop with glee or pump his fists. He just nods slowly and wiggles across the carpet until he's nose to nose with Ryan, looking more serious than Jon's ever seen him. For a second, Jon wonders if this has anything to do with the rumor that went around school a while back about Brendon having a giant crush on Ryan, a rumor Ryan never really mentioned and Brendon fiercely denied. But Ryan knew about it; he'd asked Jon once if it seemed weird that Brendon would like him "like that," and Jon had replied, slightly confused, "Why wouldn't he?" Lately it feels like everything means more somehow, that "liking" someone means something scary. Jon doesn't get it, and he doesn't understand why Ryan is suddenly angry with Brendon about it.
This time Ryan doesn't go first. He swallows hard and keeps his hands balled up in fists at his sides. Just before it happens, Jon catches the way Ryan's gaze drops to Brendon's mouth, and something resembling fear flashes in his eyes right before he closes them and tilts his mouth toward Brendon. No one moves until Brendon finally lets out a soft sigh and leans forward.
It's strange, how Ryan's face relaxes when their lips meet, how the back of Brendon's neck explodes into various shades of pink, how Ryan actually straightens and presses in a little more after a few seconds. Brendon shivers, and his hand comes up to rest on Ryan's shoulder.
It lasts a long time. Well, a long time in Jon's mind, longer than any kiss he's seen. In the meantime, Spencer scoots over beside Jon and hooks his chin over Jon's shoulder. "Huh," he whispers, breath warm against Jon's neck. He doesn't say anything else, and for some reason Jon is far too aware of how close Spencer's mouth is to his.
"Guess Ryan was right," Jon replies, and he attempts to shift away from Spencer, put some space between them, even though it shouldn't matter at all, it's not like he's never napped curled up with Spencer or anything. It's perfectly natural for the four to be in each other's space, but it's that stupid weirdness that makes Jon wonder if Spencer wants to be kissed like Ryan and Brendon kissed, if his face would go all soft like Ryan's. This is why Jon doesn't like kissing games; he shouldn't be thinking things like this about his best friend. It reminds him of the time last summer when they'd all gone down to the lake together, and when Jon freaked out about swimming in deep water, Spencer had jumped in with him and held his hand the whole time. Jon remembers every time Spencer had squeezed their fingers together with too much clarity, and a part of him wishes he'd just forget about it, because it only makes things like stupid kissing games more difficult for no reason.
Spencer nods his chin slightly against Jon's shoulder. "We should, maybe. Like." He shrugs, and Jon can feel Spencer's throat move when he swallows. "I dunno, just do it?"
Ryan and Brendon finally break apart, or rather Brendon pulls back and gasps loudly. Ryan's expression isn't angry this time; he looks sleepy, if anything. His lips look really pink, and he blinks a few time before he looks up at Jon and Spencer.
"You and Spencer are gonna go?" Brendon says, his voice slightly shaky. He keeps licking his lips over and over.
"Sure, all right," Jon says, and he winces when his own voice cracks a little. Everyone is staring at him, making Jon feel dumb and awkward. At least at the boy/girl party he had lucked out and not had to spin.
"You don't have to," Spencer whispers, still very close to Jon's ear. It makes the funny shiver in Jon's belly happen again.
Jon shakes his head and turns around on the carpet so that he's facing Spencer. Spencer's watching him with wide blue eyes, bottom lip caught between his teeth. The tops of his cheeks are red, making his freckles stand out on his nose. Without realizing it, Jon frowns, just like Ryan did.
Spencer's face falls, and it hits Jon in the chest, like a punch. It's not a pleasant feeling.
"Hey, no, it's cool, we can do it, just." Jon presses his lips together, painfully aware that Ryan and Brendon are only a few feet away, watching his every move. "Just...we can countdown?"
The corner of Spencer's mouth quirks up slowly, and then he's beaming at Jon. "Yeah, yeah, totally," he says, rubbing his palms on his legs. He shuffles a little closer on the carpet, until his knees bump up against Jon's. This close, Jon can see where Spencer's lower lip gets wet and shiny along the inner curve of his mouth.
Jon's heart is beating way too fast. He takes a deep breath, closes his eyes, and says, slowly, "One, two, three."
He's not the one to lean in first. There's a pause after the end of "three," and Jon cracks an eye open to see if maybe Spencer's chickening out. But then he feels lips pressing against his, and his nose bumps Spencer's, but it's nothing uncomfortable. It feels warm, almost too warm, and wet, like he can tell Spencer licked his lips just before kissing him. Jon wants to open his eyes, see if Spencer is making the same face Ryan made when Brendon kissed him, but he's too distracted by everything else that's happening, especially when he hears Spencer breathe out softly through his nose and carefully splay his fingertips over Jon's chest.
It's too much for one kiss, at least for Jon. He ducks out of the kiss, head bowed and eyes still closed, and tries to get his breath back. How people can do this for hours and hours, Jon can't even imagine. His lungs would explode.
When he finally looks up, Spencer's sitting back on his heels, skin flushed, his eyes all sleepy-looking like Ryan's. His lips are still parted.
"That, um, wasn't so bad, right?" Spencer asks softly.
Jon swipes his tongue once, twice, over his lower lip. Huh, so that's why Brendon did it. "No, 's okay," he says just as quietly. He glances over his shoulder at Ryan and Brendon; Brendon's eyes are really wide, and Ryan's head is tilted to one side as he chews the corner of his thumb.
"Uh." Brendon gets to his feet and stretches. He yawns, but Jon can tell it's fake. "I'm ready for more Goldeneye. Jon, lemme kick your ass."
"Okay," Jon says, looking back at Spencer, but he and Ryan are having their weird eye conversations.
The two of them sprawl out in front of the TV, leaving Ryan and Spencer to eventually curl up on the couch together. Jon can't help noticing that they touch each other differently than before, that Spencer doesn't automatically put his head in Ryan's lap. Their knees are touching, but that's all.
Jon's lips still feel funny. He rubs his thumb over them absently.
"It's no big deal," Brendon whispers. He leans close, nudging Jon's elbow. "It's just kissing. It doesn't mean anything." But his cheeks are still flushed, and he keeps flicking his gaze back to the couch.
"Duh, I know," Jon says, rolling his eyes. He nudges Brendon back. "Let's just keep playing."
Eventually Spencer's mom comes downstairs and helps them lay out their sleeping bags with extra blankets. She offers them hot chocolate, but they all shake their heads.
"You boys are being awfully quiet," she says with a smile. "Everything all right?"
"We're fine, Mom," Spencer says quickly, and the rest of them nod in agreement.
"I'll take your word for it, then." She flips the lights off on her way up the stairs, leaving the four of them alone in the dark with nothing but the glow of the TV.
They don't say anything for a long time, just listening to a rerun of House. Ryan always likes the doctor shows, likes the medical jargon he can't even begin to interpret.
Finally, Brendon mumbles, "I'm cold."
"My mom just left you fifty billion blankets," Spencer replies, but he wiggles closer to him and opens his sleeping bag for Brendon to crawl inside.
"You're way warmer," Brendon sighs, sounding happy and contented.
They lay in silence for a while, but soon Jon starts to think Brendon's right, it is really cold in the basement. He shivers and wraps his blanket and sleeping bag tighter around himself, curling into a ball.
He feels something kicking gently at his leg. Jon glances up and sees Spencer rolling his eyes at him. He unzips his sleeping bag completely, holding it open for Jon. "Get in," he says softly.
Jon knows he's blushing, but it's dark and no one can see. He tucks himself into Spencer's sleeping bag, curled up along Spencer's back. His nose brushes against Spencer's neck, making Jon hold his breath for a moment.
"Ryan, you're missing out, c'mere," Brendon says sleepily, and eventually Jon hears more rustling of blankets. He lifts his head and sees Ryan laying on his stomach with Brendon half-draped along his side.
Jon smiles to himself, nestles back down against Spencer, and falls asleep knowing that things are going to be okay.
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